hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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