I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
