Please, let me fuck your mom
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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