Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
