i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
