I just threw up on my dentist
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
