sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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