So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
