Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
