I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Sorry about my life...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
