this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
