sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
