Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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