Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
