i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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