Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
