I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
