party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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