Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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