her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my sisters under your porch take her home
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
