I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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