I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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