im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
