I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
