Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
