I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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