If i could tip my vagina, i would.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
