Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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