next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
