Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
