Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
