I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
