Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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