He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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