She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
