glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
In America we eat man semen.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
only you would photoshop your dick
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
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