Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
