Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
