I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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