I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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