he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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