u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i now understand why vodka
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
