if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
