i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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