I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
