Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
