I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Less talking, more tequila
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
