About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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