My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
