ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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