You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
