the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
