glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
