Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
