I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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