Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
