So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
