New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
