Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
