I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
