Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
