So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
