i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
how does that bad decision feel?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
