You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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