We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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