Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
