the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
