That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
