I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
