her vagine was all disorganized.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
