Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
