Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
