No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
