In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My hand turned me down
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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