I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
