As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
my poor anus
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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