you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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