is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
ttyl tear gas
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize