i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
