I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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