he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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