thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
