I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
