It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
my liver is dry heaving
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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