I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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