And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
