So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
