I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
